Why Long Distance Relationships Really Don’t Work
Written by: Akua Hinds
September 18, 2020
Although some long distance relationships work, the majority of long distance relationships are frustrating and unfulfilling. Relationships require a lot of work in order to be successful, but just like work, relationships should also be a source of joy. A long distance relationship might start off feeling like a joyous adventure, but those feelings of enthrallment at having a long lost love eventually fade when the logistics of spending time together become complicated and inconvenient. Here are some key reasons why a long distance relationship is something you should avoid:
Time Cannot be Replaced
Each of us receives the same 24 hours in a day to do whatever we want to do with. How many of those 24 hour days would you like to spend distracted away from your relationship goals? Because, you see, that’s what a long distance relationship can do to you; it can drain your energy and take your focus away from connecting with someone who lives in your local area. When I was in a long distance relationship, I was oblivious to the amount of time that I had spent focused on a relationship with someone who I spent more time away from than I spent with him. I could not see it at the time, but the long distance relationship that I was in was stealing my future.
Missing Out On Daily Details
In case you hadn’t already figured it out, the long distance relationship that I was in did not work out , and the main reason that the it didn’t work out was because of the distance between me and my former boyfriend. I was tired of having to get on a plane in order to see the person who I was “dating,” and I am a huge fan of traveling! Even though I enjoy traveling, I realized that I would rather travel WITH the person I love than travel TO the one I love. Plus, I grew annoyed at realizing that my boyfriend could not attend social events with me in my local area because he simply wasn’t there. He didn’t live in my area, I didn’t live in his, and as a result, we were not truly part of each other’s day to day lives and we could not relate to each others’ lives.
Physical Affection Cannot be Outsourced
You can blow kisses to someone you love during a video chat, but blowing kisses to someone is not the same as actually sharing kisses with the person who you love. What are you supposed to do when you need a hug from the person who you love? You can talk to each other on the phone, but a conversation does not take the place of a loving embrace. There are times when virtual hugs can put a smile on your face, but eventually, virtual hugs will feel downright annoying because they simply are not the real thing. The dissatisfaction from not having anyone to share live in person moments with might not bother you at the start of a long distance relationship, but as time goes on and you build a deeper connection with your mate, you will want to spend as much time together in person.
Trust Will Be Hard to Build
Do you like feeling suspicious, worried, and anxious? The answer to that question is obvious. No one likes feeling uncertain about their relationship. Everyone wants to feel secure and sure about who they are committing to. Just how sure are you about the faithfulness of the person who you’re dating when you spend most of your time apart? Even if your mate professes their complete and total devotion to you, doubts may come to your mind, especially if days go by and you don’t talk with your partner. Dealing with different time zones and different locations mean that you and your mate are each dealing with living different lives. Being an individual and having individual interests within your relationship is fine, but it is also important for you and your partner to have shared goals that you work on together. You can hardly work on shared goals when the two of you spend more of your time apart than together.
While the technology can be super for connecting people who are not able to be in the same room, one must remember that technology is a tool. A tool such as a hammer is helpful with regards to building a house, but that one tool alone cannot be used to build the entire creation. There are other tools that need to be used to help build a house. Technology can be used to help move your relationship forward, but you cannot look to technology alone to keep your relationship going. You need to build a connection with someone face to face in addition to using other methods of communication. Some long distance relationships work out, but the ones that do work are ones in which the people involved are dedicated and strategic about communicating daily and traveling to see each other as much as possible. If you or your partner are not proactive about moving towards eliminating the distance between you, then you will drift further apart.