Love Tips that You Should Never Listen To
Written by: Akua Hinds
January 8, 2019
Like any caring dating coach, I want this to be your best year yet with regards to love. You have probably been hoping and maybe even praying that things would turn around for you and you would finally have the relationship that you have been craving to be part of. And friends and family have probably offered their well-meaning advice such as the oft heard tip to “just live your life because love comes to you when you least expect it.” True love, just like anything worth having in life, must be a goal that you deliberately pursue.
The worst dating advice that you can ever follow is to avoid searching for love. Ask yourself this question; do your bills get paid when you least expect them to get paid? Or do your bills get paid only after you actually pay your debtors? I think you know what the answer is. The only way that things get done is when action is taken to get those things done. You need to plan to get things done, and then, you need to put your plan into action. The same rule applies to your love life. It is up to you to pave the way to find the love that you need.
Love Must Be Pursued to Be Found
When I want to find something, I have to look for it. When I want to find my beliefs, I must search within myself. When I want to find the answer to satisfying my hunger, I search for food. When I want to fall in love, I examine my thoughts to search for what type of love would make me feel happiest. Love must be pursued if you hope to have more of it in your life.
I have some friends (one in particular) who continues to reconcile with the man who she is currently seeing even though they have had many moments of incompatibility. My friend claims that she loves this guy, but I personally believe that she is unwilling to look for a more suitable match for herself because she does not want to put in the effort to find someone new. Changing your life requires a lot of effort, and that includes making room in your life to welcome love in. If you are unwilling to make changes, then you should expect to be alone.
People Who Show Up, Go Up
How often are you showing up in your own life? You are responsible for finding the happiness that you seek. It is very important that “show up” in your life. Showing up in your own life means that you are monitoring how you spend your time and being strategic about how you spend your time.
I have never known anyone who was happy when they were walking through life in a dazed-like state. People who are successful in life are usually people who are focused on the regular daily tasks that they need to do. If you want to be in a good relationship then you need to be active about how you manage your life. Please do not expect to get into a good relationship when you do not have a basic handle on your life. Your relationships will only improve when your personal responsibility for your life improves.
Love is Worth Working For
If only life was so simple and love would show up on all of our doorsteps without an invitation or incentive! Well, just like how a paycheque does not automatically show up on our doorstep unless it is for work that you have actually done, a relationship does not just “appear” unless you are actually working on yourself to give the relationship space to grow and develop. I find that when I am intentional about doing specific things, the universe rewards me.
Finding someone new requires you to adopt a new mindset. What worked for you in the past will not work for you now because each relationship is different and each situation is unique. Perhaps you relied on friends to match you with someone compatible in the past. Well, I hope that you are not just relying on the matchmaker method now because life has changed. People are busier now, and your friends are likely busy. Plus, there are so many resources that can help you find the right person and you will not even need to travel far to do it. Through technology, you can do lots of research to help you select your best choice for a mate.
Create a Better You and Attract Your Ideal Mate
We don’t often see a person who works as a greeter at Walmart paired with a person who works as a corporate lawyer, do we? No, we don’t see that pairing often, and it is not because one person is better than the other person. The saying “birds of a feather flock together” really is reflective of how we humans live our lives. We really do become like the people who we spend the most time with.
Someone who works a high paying job will likely feel more comfortable socializing with another person who also works a high paying job. People who are serious about being in serious relationships usually feel uncomfortable dating people who have made it clear that all they can handle is a casual fling. If you expect to date people who want what you want, then you need to do more than just want your dream; you actually need to be taking regular steps towards living your dream each and every day and working on becoming the person who you want to become.
Love is a Lifestyle Choice
We all live and we die by our choices in this world. Every choice that you make today affects your tomorrow. When you pause to reflect on the choices that you have made so far in your life, have your choices always included love? What does love look like to you?
What love should look like to you should be simple; love should look like truth. Judge Judy Sheindlin often says on her television court show that if something does not make sense then it is not true. Love should not feel uncomfortable and confusing. If the love that you have experienced in your life feels uncomfortable and painful, then it is probably not true love. Make a proactive choice to choose love that makes sense each and every day.
Too often, we go through each day of life on auto-pilot and do things without thinking about why we are doing them. Instead of being proactive about finding the love that we crave, we sit back and expect love to just appear out of nowhere without any prompting or encouragement. That terrible advice that you used to take about love finding you when you least expect it? Toss that advice out because you should not be following it.
What you need to do is to pursue love that makes sense. Too many people settle into dysfunctional relationships because they are too lazy to go after what they really want. True love is worth the effort. Giving yourself the true love experience is the best love choice that you can make for yourself. Dress for success every day, and live each day ready and prepared to pursue the true love that you need and want.
Akua Hinds works as a journalist, actress, music performer & instructor, marketing director and owner of 3 dating sites www.InterracialDesires.net, www.RichSinglesDate.net, www.ChristianPartner.co, and Pure Romance by Akua Hinds at www.PureRomance.com/AkuaHinds selling romance products. Please visit www.AkuaHinds.com for more information.